"So, dude, what do you think's inside that hatch thing?" "Hope. I think hope's inside."

August 2015 is an important anniversary. In 1 year and 2 months I will have had this headache for 10 years. 

A decade of pain. A decade of frustration and despair. 

A decade of false hope.

I don't want to get to August next year and still be in pain. I want it to stop. I want to be better. I want to be fixed. 

When I was told that because I had chronic pain I couldn't bungy jump, I was angry. Angry at my body, my head. Angry at life. I wanted to get this sorted, I wanted it to stop holding me back. I wanted to be free.

So I went to the doctor yesterday, to ask his opinion. To ask someone else what I should be doing, what I could be doing. 

I opened the hatch. 

And what was inside?

Sorry Locke, but it sure as hell wasn't hope. 

I want to be fixed? 

It's about time I fixed myself.