My Head Aches: Video blog part 3

My First Second Opinion

This is the first time in the history of my headache that I haven't plunged straight in with a new treatment with the first practitioner I've seen.

Today I had my second opinion from a chiropractor at Chiltern Health Centre in Sutton. And he said some similar, and some different things.

For a start, he didn't take any x-rays, but he looked at a neck x-ray I had left with the hypnotherapist at the clinic when I first started seeing him in January. Which lasted on two sessions before I had to start working on Saturdays and didn't manage to go back.
This neck x-ray is 4 years old, and I have had my car crash since then, but he still did the routine testing of the joints and when he compared what he felt to the x-ray, he said there wasn't much difference. This x-ray showed my neck is quite straight.
Well, at least it's not backwards.

Of course there were the usual 'oofs' and 'oohs' from me when he touched sensitive spots. And there was the usual "what the..." when he touched my shoulders and felt how rock solid they are (and not in a good rock solid muscle way. In a bad they-aren't-moving-not-because-I'm beefy-but-because-they're-broken way.

He took my medical history, during which I jumped all over the place - MRIs, drugs, Osteopathy, hypnotherapy, this year, that year.
He was glad to hear I wasn't hurt in the car crash, but seemed amused that I'd gotten acquainted with a ditch.

I got changed into a gown that had velcro up the back and he moved my head around and felt my neck joints. He lay me on a moving bed (well I stood on a foot plate against the vertical bed, then the whole thing moved backwards until horizontal) and he felt around the top of my neck. He pushed his fingers in the same places, like hooking his fingers under my skull. I do it to alleviate pain, and that's the same place I'm always rubbing. After a while he said the intensity should be ebbing away, and I said no, it's getting more intense on the right side. "Ah", he said. "You're not normal."

So after establishing that my shoulders are rock solid and I'm not normal because the intensity got worse... he said something that I have known for a while, and that the other chiropractor didn't really touch on: that the muscles and spine are connected, and neither one are letting the other do their job properly. My muscles in particular are baddies in this scenario, because as they get tighter, they pull the joints into the wrong position, and that's where they get stuck, and the other joints have to compensate.

I'm very aware my posture isn't bad, so really it's no news to me that I stick my head out and I'm rounding my back. Everything this guy said was matter of fact, no nonsense.
And the best (and worst) thing he said? Was that he doesn't know if this will make me better, and therefore he doesn't know how long it will take.

I have had so many people promise me I'll only need so many sessions, and I'm still going back after a year. When someone says to me "You'll be good as new in 10 sessions" I think "so I'll still be the same in 20 sessions". It's pessimistic, I know, but I have had so many false hopes.

This chiropractor recognises that both the joints and spine, and the muscle balance need to be addresses, simultaneously.  And he said he'd use various different methods to do that when treating me, such as acupuncture and Tens machine, etc.

But, none of this will work, without my commitment.

And it has taken me this long but I realise now that no wonder the other treatments don't work - one hour, here and there, won't fix me, if I don't carry on treating myself at home.
I'm not talking learning how to adjust my own back. I'm talking stretches, exercise, hydration, healthy eating. I'm talking building up my muscle strength and making sure my muscles are strong enough to keep my spine healthy.

This is a way of life, I'm committing to. I'm not just having yet another treatment. I'm learning to heal myself, any way I can.
The question is, am I ready to commit?



Oh, and he told me to stop cracking my neck and back. Dammit.

Hypnotherapy: The Beginning

Yesterday I had my first Hypnotherapy session with Steve Cook at the Chiltern Health Centre.
It lasted 1 hour, and I did a lot of crying. More than I was expecting to do, as I wasn't expecting to cry at all. Which is funny, because pretty much everyday this week I have cried because of my headache, so why shouldn't I cry in a session about my headache?!

Steve took the opportunity to teach me EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique. It uses tapping of certain points on the face and body to relax and help certain ideas sink in. I think. That's how I see it anyway. It works better when someone else does it to you when you're trying to relax and calm down a headache, because when you do it to yourself you're constantly thinking of the points and which one's next, so you don't really concentrate on the issue you're facing. But I have found it relaxing. I have taken a photo of the help sheet I have been given that indicate the points and their order. You start by tapping on your hand while giving the pain submodalities and telling yourself that you "deeply and completely accept [yourself]".



So I am hoping that this technique will be the start to learning to control my headache. But the thing about this EFT was that it brought up a lot of psychological issues. Consultants have previously thought that my headache was caused by some inner pain I have. But £80 sessions at the Priory didn't help solve that, or at least I'm assuming it didn't because I still have the headache. But regardless of whether it was caused by inner pain and psychological problems, this headache has certainly caused some of it's own. I feel like this headache will never leave me. I am on the verge of giving up, In fact, if it wasn't for the fact the headache has been worse this past week, I would have seen this Hypnotherapy as just another thing to give a go, but now I am sort of seeing it as a lifeline.

I find it difficult to believe I may cure it, and that makes me apprehensive about hypnotherapy, because he wants me to keep an open mind. But from what I've read from other people's experiences, it discourages me from that hope and almost giving me an excuse to resign myself to this destiny of pain (i.e. they have it after 30 years, why should I be any different?).

I am also apprehensive at the idea that someone will be delving into my unconscious to see if there's anything else we've missed. Am I repressing something awful? Is it simply my self-esteem issues manifesting itself as a headache? Am I bottling up too much anger?

And at the end of the day, I can relax myself all I want, but I will still have the muscle tension and the knots gripping my body and keeping it tied up tight, good and proper. I've always wondered if I had a day of massage, or a massage every day for a week, a month, would it get rid of all the knots and the tension?

I just have to keep reminding myself that I could be so much worse off. And I know I have to keep on fighting. If we were put on this earth for anything, it wasn't to make money, to have kids, to create more efficient manufacturing industries. It was to overcome obstacles. And I'm still overcoming this one. Maybe it can't be overcome, but I'd at least like to get somewhere with it. I'm been trying to for so long already.

Raynor & Revelations

Raynor massage is the one therapy I am pursuing at the moment, and I thought it about time to write a new post, so it is only appropriate that I write about Raynor.

I receive Raynor from a lovely guy called Dave Taylor (for his website, click here). I've had 4 treatments from him now, and each one has been different in some way. Dave has practically magical hands, and knows just how to find my sore spots, and make them feel better. Whilst causing them a lot of pain.

Raynor massage was developed by a gentleman called Brandon Raynor, who studied various massage techniques and alternative medicines, and wanted to combine them all to completely treat the body: "It covers not just the muscles of the body but also the skeletal system and the subtle energy systems of the body."

Having had plenty of massages and experiences in Eastern medicine, I sort of understand the idea of chi, and energy blockages in the body causing tension. Raynor focuses quite seriously on a person's chi, and associates a lot of tension with emotional problems or stress. Mental well-being is as important as physical well-being, basically.

Having a Raynor massage is difficult. It's hurt, I'm not gonna lie, in fact sometimes it hurts like hell. Sometimes it hurts so much I can't understand why I'm not passing out from the pain. Raynor encourages patients to breathe properly throughout the massage, and breathing is very important to get yourself through the pain of the massage. Of course, it's not always easy to regulate your breathing (long breath in through the nose, long breath out through the mouth) and often I end up breathing more out of my mouth like you see pregnant women in labour of hospital dramas doing in order to get through the pain. And it's important to remember that it is not the masseur causing you pain. They are just trying to get out the deep-rooted tension in your body. It just happens to be happening at the end of their fingertips, palms and elbows,

Dave has managed to find some really sore spots on my body in the 4 times I've seen him, spots I didn't know existed. I know I have tension in my neck and shoulders, and I know I have tension down my spine and lower back. But I've learned from Dave about how the muscles run from shoulder to hip, how all the leg muscles are connected together around pubic bone at the bottom of the spine (look at the Hip & Pelvic Girdle section here). And in my 3rd session, Dave suddenly hit a spot in my hip that apparently held a lot of tension. It felt like he was putting as much pressure as humanly possible on it: he was basically pushing on it with the same pressure as you do when you tap your finger to the beat, i.e. no pressure at all in comparison what he could be be doing. But it hurt so much I cried and shouted. Dave, and the concept of Raynor, encourages emotional responses like that. It's best just to let it go.

As a deep tissue massage, Raynor is very effective for me. I don't know if it'll ever get rid of all my knots, it's unlikely. But in the meantime, I think it'll help relieve some of the tension. And despite putting myself through that much pain for an hour, I feel much better for it afterwards.


Having just gone on & on about how excellent Raynor is, I don't think it will cure me. That's not me being pessimistic, that's sort of just being realistic. Because I am likely to have this headache, and this pain, for the rest of my life.

I read this thread online this morning. I don't know I haven't come across it before, I have googled my condition Chronic Daily Tension Headache enough times. But it confirmed for me what I had secretly been fearing, and what I didn't want to admit to myself. It's 5 & a half years this month I've had this headache, and it's important I don't stop counting, but it's also important that I stop putting so much emphasis on the longevity of this headache, and that the longer it goes on the less likely I'll be able to be headache-free ever again. There's no cure for CDTH, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my life, and that one day I won't find something that cures me, or can relieve me of my headache for days, or weeks, or months on end. I think what I should now focus on is getting myself into the best possible health. I need to focus on conditioning my body with Pilates and Yoga, and start to eat a lot better. I would love to start running again, but we'll see eh?

I need to learn how to manage the pain. I've just got to stop letting my headache get me down.

I've just got to let it go.

Types

Sort. Variety. Species. Manner.

My types of headaches are all kinda different. I figured that this was the next port of call in explaining and conveying to you exactly what it is to have Chronic Daily Tension Headache. For myself, in any case.


1. Constant, dull ache: this is the 'base' headache, the headache I have every minute of every day. The headache I have had to get used to. I suppose if I have gotten used to it, it can't be that bad. And compared to what I get sometimes, it isn't. It's pretty self explanitory - I feel a dull ache constantly in my head. I usually feel it around my head like a band, but sometimes it intensifies and its a strong dull ache all around my head.

2. Throbbing: I suppose this is what most people would describe when they say they have a headache. Your head throbs, and feels as if it is pulsating on it's own. For me, this situates itself in the forehead and the temples, and I supposed this is typical of headache. When you see people complain of a headache, they tend to clutch their forehead and rub their temples.

3. Inside pressure: Often, doctors have asked if my headache feels like a band around my head. I think this is what most doctors think of as tension headaches. But just as I have my dull ache which does tend to feel like a band around my head, I also get a type of headache that feels like the pressure is coming from the inside, as if my brain is expanding and trying to escape.

4. Muscle headache: Again, I think this type of headache might be particularly symptomatic of having a "tension" headache. Since I developed my headache almost 5 and a half years ago, my neck and shoulder muscles have become more and more damaged. I feel as if my shoulders are bricks that I carry - I don't think my shoulders have been completely loose for a very long time. Every masseuse I see comments on how big my knots are, but they never quite get rid of them. In an hour session there is only so much they can do. But I think a headache has developed from this muscle tension. I feel the tension in my neck and shoulders everyday, but some days it feels worse. And I feel a headache creeping all the way up from the base of my neck. This kind of headache makes me feel more positive, however, because if I can solve the muscle tension problem properly, I could certainly have an impact on my headache. It's just that I don't have the money (or sometimes the time) to have a massage once a week, or even once a month. I'll talk about therapies I've tried in another blog, and this includes several type of massage.

5. Stabby pains: I get stabbing pains in various places, and it's usually in addition to have a throbbing, or to having simply a dull ache. But often, if I have a dull ache and a stabbing pain on top of it, it leads to a throbbing pain or an inside pressure. I usually get stabbing pains behind the eyes, or just beside in the temples, but I have had them at the base of my neck and right at the back of my head.

6. Migraine - Migraine is in itself a whole other type of headache to Tension headache, but I thought I'd mention it in here anyway. I have had a few migraines in the past, and sometimes the headaches I get (usually throbbing) can feel like a migraine. My original diagnosis was Migraine/Tension headache. I have migraine medication to take in the event of a migraine.



As I write this, I continue a battle that has been raging for a number of hours, a headache which fits into two categories in a way. My head feels like it has a tight band around it, but also it aches from the base of my neck. I took two paracetamol earlier, but it didn't do anything, and I have had to have a nap to get rid of the feelings of fatigue that were beginning to come along with it. Sometimes having a headache can really drain me. The one thing that I don't seem to realise, is that having a constant headache really bothers me. It really upsets me. When I sit down and take stock, like today I said to someone that now I have had this for 5 years and 5 months, that's when I realise, that's when it hits me, and I get upset. I mean, what am I meant to do? What can I do that I know will work? I feel like all this information is at my fingertips, but these days I am not willing to try things and see if they work. I don't want anymore trial and error, I just want it to work. And when my headache has a good period, I forget about trying to cure it, I just get on with it. In all honesty, I do just get on with it. Maybe that's what's wrong.

Origins

5 years and 4 months ago, August 2005, I was about to start Sixth Form. I'd done ok in my GCSE's, well enough to get into the Sixth Form at Overton Grange to do the A-Levels I wanted. I was leaving behind the friends I'd had for 5 years at my old school.

It was in this August I noticed the headaches. I've always been a headachey person, but the last time I'd noticed headaches so regularly I was 8 and it turned out I needed glasses. But this time, I went straight to the opticians and they said I was fine, that I didn't even need the glasses I had. But I continued to get the headaches.

It's been suggested that my headache is psychological - that the stress of joining a new Sixth Form created my headache, and it started to maintain itself through the muscle tension it created as a result. I can understand this theory since I do find it hard to start at new places and make friends, but Sixth Form was the best time of my life, the best two years. So any stress that I had about it dissipated quickly. Why didn't the headache go?

As my diagnosis is Chronic Daily Tension Headache of muscular contraction type, the idea that my headache started psychologically, but remains because of muscle tension is logical, but can't be the whole story. This is where the theories of the consultants come in. My headache specialist nurse and I agreed that it is likely my headache started as a mixture of tension and medication overuse.

Medication overuse is a headache triggered by too many painkillers. Painkillers are designed to turn off the pain switch in your brain, which is switched on when you are in pain. Except, when you take too many painkillers, the your brain, and the pain switch, sort of build up an immunity, and the pain switch doesn't switch off, it just stays on. So, having been someone that relied on painkillers, they stopped working, and my headache never went away.
If my headache was just caused by medication overuse, at the beginning I could possibly have gotten rid of it by going cold turkey from painkillers, that's usually the cure. But I didn't know this until 3 years down the line, and at that point I went cold turkey but nothing happened. By that point, my headache was caused by the muscle tension I still have today.

Without knowing for sure what my headache was caused by, it's been hard to get effective treatment. I had 2 MRI scans incase the headache was caused by something in my brain (the second one was requested because my 2nd consultant thought I had an enlarged pituitary gland. I didn't. I do however, have a cyst in my brain, which is apparently normal... I should probably get that checked out again soon...) I also had blood tests to rule out anything else that could be causing it.

I treat my muscle tension the best I can, but I don't get regular massage and heat rub and heated pillow don't go far enough. My own personal theory is that if I had a whole series of massages in one week, to finally get my body unknotted, then I could start again, and treat my body better in order to be sure it won't get knotted up again.


But sometimes, not knowing what to do, because of not knowing what it is, is the hardest...